Different Mindsets
by cookietme7
Summary: Three part songfic to three different songs. Tommy and Jude were going strong, but Tommy panics. See what's going on inside both their minds. T for language. Bad title, bear with me. PART 3 UP!
1. Almost Lover

Hi again! More songfic, woo! This one has two parts though. Monumental, I know.

Anyway, here's part one. This whole thing takes place about two years after the end of season three. This is in Jude's POV.

Disclaimer: I do not own _Instant Star_ or the lyrics to Fine Frenzy's "Almost Lover".

_**Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm **__**trees swaying in the wind  
Images**_

What the fuck, Tommy? Why is it, even after you rip my heart out and throw it on the floor, rolling over it with your luggage as you leave, that I can only think of you? And it's not even hating you. It's remembering all sweet things you did and the times you made me swoon. Exhibit A: leading me to the roof of G-Major with your hands over my eyes for a 'driving lesson' in your famed blue viper.  
_**  
You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick**_

Exhibit B: singing me "Love to Burn" on the night of my eighteenth birthday. I swear, when I looked in your eyes, I could have sworn I saw love.  
You're a good faker, Tom Quincy.

_**Well, I never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me**_

We were so good. After I figured out the whole Jamie-and-you thing almost two years ago, we got together. I'd say it was the second time, but the first time barely counted. You fucked that one up too. I should've known. But I thought we were solid this time – both happy, and it finally seemed like you loved me as much as I loved you. Guess I was wrong.

_**Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream**_

I don't even know what to say. I'm just sitting here in our– no, I guess it's just my room now. My house. My fucking broken heart. The remnants of my shattered dreams.  
_**  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?**_

You left me alone. I hate you so much. Get out of my head.

_**So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you**_

I'm saying goodbye to you, to us. Though I suppose you don't really care, considering you did that a few days ago. And it seemed pretty fucking easy for you, Mr. Quincy. You turned your back on me; here's me returning the favor.

_**Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do**_

God, I should have listened to what everyone said. That you'd just break my heart, that I was just another girl to you, that everything you told me was a lie.

_**We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me  
Images**_

But I could've sworn I was different. Exhibit C: when you grabbed my hand for the first time in public, after our first 'official' date. I don't count the whole ditching-me-at-the-restaurant-with-anonymous-bald-guy thing, though I guess it should go down as foreshadowing. We were just walking down the street. It was late, Quincy, and you grabbed my hand and spun me around. Do you even know how much my heart fluttered?  
_**  
And when you left, you kissed my lips  
You told me you would ne**__**ver, never forget these images, no**_

How did you have the fucking nerve to kiss me and then tell me you're leaving? Your bags packed, house-keys on the table, jaw clenched. You kissed me, said "I'll always love you… this is for your own good, Jude" and left. It's for my own good? What, so that I have practice for the next time my heart gets broken? Forget it Quincy, you've already done that, and you always end up preparing me for the next heartbreak that - surprise! – is from you. Think of a new excuse, asshole.

_**Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me**_

I guess it's partially my fault, though. I just had to go and keep falling for you. I loved seeing you happy, and I thought I made you happy. God knows you made me happy. But I guess that didn't mean anything to you, did it?

_**Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream**_

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

_**I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?**_

I'm moving on. Go away. You're not welcome in these thoughts anymore.  
_**  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring**__** me heartache  
Almost lovers always do**_

I'm purging myself of you, Tom Quincy. There go the pictures, the jewelry, the flowers; everything you'd ever been a part of.  
I guess that means I have to get rid of this heart you always had a hold on, too.

_**I cannot go to the ocean  
I cannot drive the streets at night  
I cannot wake up in the morning  
Without you on my mind**_

I should change up my routine a bit, probably. No going to the pier; that has you all over it. No nighttime drives; too many memories of me and you taking a ride under the stars. I can't even wake up the same, Tommy, because I'll expect you there beside me. You're engrained in my life, damn it.

_**So you're gone and I'm haunted  
And I bet you are just fine**_

Well here you are, Tommy. This is what you thought was better for me. Me living here, miserable and alone, wondering what the hell I did wrong or why I wasn't good enough for you to stick around. And I bet you're prancing around feeling great thinking you just did the good deed of the century.

_**Did I make it that e**__**asy to walk right in and out of my life?**_

I believed you every time you looked in my eyes and told me you loved me. I believed you when you said you would marry me. I believed you every damn time. I thought we would always be together. Apparently, we were in very different mindsets. Leaving me was a like a fucking walk in the park for you. Why?

_**Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream**_

You were the love of my life, Tom Quincy, but apparently I wasn't yours. So goodbye to the dream life I thought I had with you, the plans for our future, our life together. Guess I was still the naïve fifteen-year-old when it came to you.

_**I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?**_

I'm cutting you out. I'll be one jaded woman of twenty, thanks to you.  
_**  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you**_

I guess I was never going to be good enough, no matter how hard I tried. So here's what you wanted, Tommy-boy. I'm letting go.

_**Should have known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do**_

Fuck you, Tom Quincy. Why'd I have to fall for you? Why'd you have to always break my heart? I should have fucking known.


	2. Better Than Me

Wait, there's more! Here's part two, Tommy's POV. It's basically happening in the same time as Jude's part.

Disclaimer: I do not own _Instant Star_ or the lyrics to Hinder's "Better Than Me".

_**I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe**_

I did it for you, Jude. You can do better than me. I don't think it, I know it. And I tried to make you understand it. I know that you think it's not true, that I just can't get over my past. But you don't know everything about me. You don't know how many times I lied to you. It took three years for you to know my real last name, Jude.  
_**  
Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be**_

So if I know I'm doing the right thing – something better for you – why do I feel guilty? It's because you're everywhere. You're everything. This stupid motel isn't even close to home, and the empty bed corner is a glaring reminder of what I left behind.

_**I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember what it feels like beside you  
**__**I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes**_

This stupid queen sized bed is too fucking big. Or maybe I'm just too fucking alone. But I don't miss you. I can't miss you. This was my choice…

_**And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**_

I waited five years for you. Even two years before that, four days before your eighteenth birthday, we gave it a shot. But surprise surprise, I screwed it up; the most pathetically short relationship ever. I didn't even try to explain. You deserve better than me.

**_While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took that you were looking for_**

I pull out the small box I had angrily shoved under this bed a few days ago. God, your handwriting was so bad. You're such a musician. Scrambled lyrics and chords across post-its, napkins, even your math homework. But in the bottom of this damn box full of you is a lone envelope. Full of pictures from the day we went back to that church a year ago, where we recorded "Don't You Dare" for your third album. A place that meant so much to us.

_**If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room**_

Damn, you even wrote lyrics on your shopping receipts. I remember you dragging me to stores with you, asking me to pick things out for you and claiming that my opinion was what mattered more than anything. You'd come out of the dressing rooms clad in different outfits, asking what I thought. But the only thing I remember about you in a dressing room was me in there with you.

_**I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember what it feels like beside you**_

Shit. Why am I doing this to myself? I shove the box back under the bed and lay back, exasperated. I reach out, and beside me is– more mattress. Fuck.

_**I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes**_

I think I knew even when you were fifteen. That day on the pier – what, the second day I'd known you? Your hair was blowing in the wind as you tried to figure out your chords. So determined, so young, so naïve. I reached around you and as I felt your hair tickle against my face, I knew. And I tried my best to contain it, until your sixteenth. We both know how that went.  
You know, back in the BoyzAttack! days, I always hated the stupid teeny-bopper flavored lip gloss groupies wore, even if it did taste good. It was almost enough to turn me off completely… almost. I don't know what you were wearing that night, Jude, but you tasted so good.

_**And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**_

What kind of pervert has thoughts like that when he's then twenty-two and kissing a sixteen-year-old? I told you, you deserve better than me.

**_The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over_**

I'm sprawled out on the mattress, sub-consciously hoping that the one part of the bed I'm not touching is the part you're on. That it's not that you're not here, it's just that I haven't found you yet. But I shiver, and I know that your warmth is gone. That I'm the one who ended it, and I fucking regret it.

_**And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older  
'Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end**_

I'll always regret it. Fuck, what's wrong with me? How come you were always the smart one? I remember a little over two years ago, at Darius's B.A.L.D party, when I found you and you told me you needed closure. I said I was leaving town, thinking that would be enough closure for the both of us. But I left now, and I sure as hell don't feel any closure at all.

_**I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**_

It's 2:16 in the morning, and I'm just lying here alone in this god damned motel. And I miss you. I miss everything about you. I want one more hug and one more kiss. I want to run my calloused hands through your smooth hair and taste your lip gloss one more time. But I can't. I fucked up and left you… because you deserve better than me.

_**I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**_

3:16 am. The clock is mocking me. I've been waiting here an hour, Jude, for some kind of miracle, for you. I know you waited three years to hear me tell you I loved you, and I did. And after a few months of awkwardness with Jamie, we got together. You and Jamie were friends, and we were happy. I was happy. So what kind of moron leaves two years later for no reason other than being scared and insecure?

_**(And I think you should know this)  
(You deserve much better than me)**_

Me. Because I know you deserve better than me.

* * *

Ok, so that can be the end. I was thinking of writing a third part to this to really end it, but it's up to you guys. Let me know!

Read and review! :


	3. I Miss You

Ok, here's the third and final part. It's kind of a songfic but not really... I took individual lines from the song and kind of scattered them throughout. They're almost like headings, I guess. Anyway, this takes place about 15 months after parts 1 and 2, and it's in a narrator POV. Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I do not own _Instant Star_ or the lyrics to Blink-182's "I Miss You."

She walked stoically through the door as the bell sounded above her. A glint of bright light would reflect occasionally off of the various stones scattered about, residing in their pristine class cases. She'd been in here often the past few weeks, looking at what she wished she had for herself. She walked past the rings this time, however, and set her eyes on the necklaces. "Hey Rick," she greeted her jeweler. "Jude! Not gonna admire those rings today?" "Nah, hopefully I'll have one of my own someday soon anyway. Today, I'm here for Sadie." It was Sadie's birthday, and Jude couldn't think of anything to get her other than some fine jewelry. "Show me what ya' got, Rick. No budget."

_**Hello there, the angel from my nightmare  
**_

Jude let Rick show her the stunning pieces of jewelry, and after about an hour and a half she had settled on the perfect gift for Sadie. It was three diamonds horizontally set with a perfectly cut pink diamond dangling beneath them, all hanging on a white gold chain. Curiosity once again seized her, and Jude asked Rick to take her back over to the rings. As she eyed them with desire, the bell sounded again signifying someone new had walked in. Jude instinctively looked over her shoulder towards the direction of the entrance. She blinked, and then froze.

* * *

They say that you can never regret your mistakes because you learn from them. He thought that was complete bullshit. He had made the biggest mistake of his life a little over a year ago, and he would always regret it_**.**_

_**Where are you and I'm so sorry**_

He was a masochist, he knew that, but every so often Tom would walk into a jewelry store and look at the engagement rings. A year ago, he thought that he would have already purchased the perfect one and that small velvet box would be burning a hole in his jacket pocket as he prepared for the most important moment of his life. Now he just tortured himself with them, gazing at them as he remembered everything he left behind. Every so often he'd find a one he swore was perfect for her and thought about buying it, but he'd realize he hadn't seen her in fifteen long months. That she'd probably moved on to someone else and forgotten all about him. He'd give anything to be able to find her and apologize, and for her to be his again. And even though he knew that would never happen, he walked into yet another jewelry store to start the self-punishment all over again.

* * *

"Jude!"

She snapped back to reality and tried to appear calm as she turned back to the jeweler. "Shhh," she admonished. She did not want him knowing that she was here. Rick just replied with a puzzled look. "Oh, sorry, I just, uh… I have a headache. That's all." Though he could tell she was hiding something, he didn't push it. He was just her jeweler, after all. "Oh, well, I'm going to go see what this guy wants… you, uh, you can stay here and look for as long as you want…," he trailed off and walked to the front of his store.

**_and hear your voice of treason_**

"Hello, sir. What are you looking for today?" Rick repeated the usual new-customer greeting. "Hey. I'm uh, just… engagement rings, I guess." "Well they normally sound a little more excited than that," Rick joked. This man looked seriously depressed. Wasn't getting engaged supposed to be a happy thing? But the man just looked back, piercing blue eyes full of hurt and bitterness. "Um, right this way."

Jude froze; she'd overheard his conversation with Rick. _Shit. He's looking at engagement rings. I'm standing in front of the engagement rings. And why does it hurt to hear him say that? I'm over him… I want a ring from someone else._ Still, she decided to tough it out. She didn't move from her spot and continued staring through the glass. As she saw his reflection approaching in the case, she also saw his eyes widen in recognition.

_**Comes creeping on so haunting every time**_

As Tom followed the man towards the engagement ring cases, he couldn't help but think that the petite blonde standing in that area looked strikingly like Jude. And as he got closer and closer, he realized… it was her. And she was looking at engagement rings, admiring them, even. His heart sunk. _Well if I didn't know it before, I guess I've been doing this for nothing_. He was about to excuse himself from the jeweler and rush out of the store, but he looked in the glass of the case and saw her reflection looking at him. He couldn't leave now. "Um… hey."

_**Like indecision to call you**_

She had thought so many times of when she'd see him again. She'd even thought, in the days following his departure, of calling him. But then she realized the heartless act he was guilty of and immediately deleted his number from her phone. But here he was, coming to look at engagement rings, the ultimate symbol of commitment. Something he clearly could not stand to have with her. She heard him acknowledge her in such a nonchalant tone, and her anger flared. Her expression turned bitter, and there was an edge to her voice. "Hey. What are you doing here? Finally decided you can commit to someone?" She noticed him wince and his eyes flicker in sadness, but didn't feel guilty in the least. When he simply looked away in response, she felt her temper rising. "Never could do that with me. Clearly it hasn't changed; can't even get engaged in a little conversation with me, let alone to me. Surprised you haven't run out yet, though. That's what I was expecting."

_**Don't waste your time on me  
**__**You're already the voice inside my head**_

He knew he deserved it. He couldn't even work up the nerve to look her in the face. Her words fell on deaf ears, though, because everything she was telling him he'd mentally berated himself for since that day in the motel months ago. The fact that she was here looking at rings was an unimaginable twist of fate, but her situation was so unlike his in that she was clearly here for a new relationship, and he wasn't. He was here for her.

Rick had deserted himself from the area and locked himself in his office as soon as he saw the expression on Jude's face. As often as he'd seen her lately, he'd never seen her wear such a mixed expression of hate and betrayal. She always came in to fawn over the engagement rings, and he knew she'd been wanting one for a while. From who? That, he couldn't figure out. She'd told him she didn't have a boyfriend but repeatedly stated her desire for a ring. It confused the hell out of him.

_**Stop this pain tonight**_

"Jude, I…," he trailed off, expecting her to cut him off. When she didn't, he knew he had to continue. He felt a dull ache in his chest and he thought he would faint. Just seeing her, how hostile she was towards him, made him feel like complete shit. And he knew he was completely to blame. "I'm so sorry." He saw the flames raging in her eyes and knew she was a millisecond from slapping him, so he hurried on. "I know that doesn't make up for anything, and I'm a bastard and you hate me. But I love you. Almost every time I pass a jewelry store I'll go in, looking for an engagement ring you'd want. I've come close to buying one for you, Jude, I swear I've found ones you'd love, but then I remember how I fucked everything up. And I deserve it, because here you are, looking at rings that you want… from someone else. And that's killing me. I know this is all my fault, but I love you. I hope you know that." He turned to walk out.

_**Will you come home and stop this pain tonight**_

"Typical Tommy. Doesn't even let me say what I'm feeling before he turns to leave." He stopped in his tracks, cursing himself under his breath for his insensitive actions. "You know, jackass, you have no right to even think you can look at rings to give me. You lost that chance a while ago. So where do you come off giving me your sob story, thinking it makes everything better? You get to judge me and try and make me feel guilty for maybe moving on?" She spat the words, knowing she was giving him impressions of her life that weren't true. She didn't have anyone else. He merely stood silent. "No response, huh? Just waiting for your turn to leave, I guess. Go, I won't stop you." He clenched his fists and bit his tongue, resisting the urge to retort. What was the use? Everything she was saying was pretty valid. He took a few more steps towards the door and reached for the knob, and heard her bitter laugh. He turned to look at her one final time. She was saying something to him – something condescending, he was sure – but he wasn't listening. He saw the pain and hurt etched in her eyes. He walked right back up to where she was standing, and pointed behind her, towards the ring case. "That one. I would have picked that one." She stood silent, but in her mind she wondered how the hell he knew. That had been the ring she'd been drooling over for weeks, and had been staring at since before he came into the store.

"Rick," she called out softly, "you've got a costumer here that needs to make a purchase."

_**I miss you, I miss you**_

* * *

Alright, what'd ya think? It was kind of tough for me to write this ending because I was having some trouble organizing it and stuff, but I think it turned out alright. Let me know, guys.

Read and review! :


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